I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
