Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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