ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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