i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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