I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
