where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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