yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
