Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
