i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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