two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
