I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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