Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
