the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
