he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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