im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
