someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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