Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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