i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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