Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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