No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
