so explain again why im purple
no
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My dick has a subreddit
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
