He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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