i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
