I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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