just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
