hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found your dick twin last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I did not marry a roomba.
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