I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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