i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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