You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
