Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
