I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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