my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
