He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize