She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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