I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
