No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
