i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
