He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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