as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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