I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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