Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
