I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
