I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
