You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
