Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
