she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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