Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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