I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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