Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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