Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
