you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
