I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
