dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
