Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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