Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
