just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
