You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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