This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
