so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
