so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we made out on top of his cat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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