I look better un-naked...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize