I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
