do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
