I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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