This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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