I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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