Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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