Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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