My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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