I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
