idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
