Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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