My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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